Mr Monk and the Facts of Life
by Isagi
Summary: The facts of life will slowly be revealed to all. . .
1. Presentation is Perfection

Disclaimer: I do not own Monk

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Mr. Monk could not find any saying more agreeable than this, "It's all in the presentation." There was no escaping this fact. This fact dictates the most important things in our daily lives.

For example, if a picture frame is crooked, then it was imperative that the frame be straightened. If a cookie wasn't perfectly circular, then it wasn't worth eating. And if a gifts' wrapping wasn't flawlessly aligned, it was only courteous to return the gift to the one who wrapped it and show them how to correctly wrap a gift so they wouldn't make the same mistake again.

Yes, this obsession of perfection is what dictates our lives; whether we know it or not, choose to accept it or not, it's true all the same. Nothing can change this reality of our lives, and that's a fact.


	2. Yawns

Disclaimer: I do not own Monk.

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Julie instinctively knew she was in trouble. In fact, if her mothers' posture and facial expression were any indication, she would wager that she was in for at least an hours worth of lecturing.

After a period of glaring, her mother finally spoke. "Why haven't you done your homework yet?"

Knowing that her next few words would make it or break it, she decided to start her sentence in a way Mr. Monk was prone to do. "You see, here's the thing," she took a second to once more gather her thoughts before continuing, "I'm allergic to homework."

"You're allergic . . . to homework . . .?" Her mother was obviously not convinced but seemed willing to wait, or humor her as the case may be, for her to collaborate on her statement.

"Yes," Julie nodded her head, "it makes me break out in yawns."

Her mother looked amused by her answer. "Is that a fact?"

Julie nodded her head. Then, as to prove her point, she yawned.


	3. Numbers, Part I: Levels

Please see the beginning of the episode Mr. Monk Stays in Bed for reference to the levels.

Disclaimer: I do not own Monk.

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A confrontation was in order. Really there was. After continuously distilling the importance of even numbers into her mind, he does this! To anyone else, this would not seem like a big deal, and most definitely not something to get worked-up over. She, however, was not anyone else. Which takes her back to the reason a confrontation was needed.

Mr. Monk had asked her to take his levels to get their annual re-leveling, but that's not the point! The point was that he had three levels. Three! An uneven number if she ever saw one. It was apparent that she needed to remind him that three was not an appropriate number to have for anything.

Maybe she should buy him another one so he would have an even four, or, better yet, buy him seven so he would have an even ten. Yes, she thought, that would be the best course of action. It would, hopefully, get her point across as well.

Setting her plan into action, Natalie began to mentally prepare herself. She had a numerical fact to set straight with her boss.


	4. Numbers, Part II: The Confrontation

Please see the beginning of the episode Mr. Monk and the Rapper for reference to the clock.

Disclaimer: I do not own Monk.

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The clock resting on the mantel had been bothering Mr. Monk more and more recently. Two seconds. It was off by two seconds, and that knowledge was beginning to leak into his dreams, turning them into nightmares. He really needed Natalie's help in correcting that. As luck would have it, she was going to be over to return his levels soon. He would bring it up to her then.

Not long after that thought had crossed his mind, Natalie walked in. When he looked in her direction, he saw that the bag she was carrying obviously held more than his three levels, so, due to his curious nature, he asked, "What's all this?"

She looked at him smugly and replied, "It's your levels as they were always meant to be; in a perfectly even group of ten." She would admit, if only to herself, seeing Mr. Monk's shocked expression was the highlight of her day. He had obviously recognized his mistake.

The satisfaction of being able to prove her point was well worth investing extra money into buying the additional levels. She still didn't know how he could miss the fact that three was an odd number. He never did anything in odd numbers!

Mr. Monk began to mentally reprimand himself. How? How had he managed to miss this? It was so blatantly obvious, and yet he had completely overlooked it. This was not acceptable.

It was then he smiled. Having a clock off by two seconds was equally unacceptable. It would ruin any form of countdowns, such as the ten second countdown used to usher in the New Year. Now there was no way for Natalie to refuse to assist him in correcting that clock, not that he believed she would have anyways.

Oh how he loved numerical facts, especially when they worked in his favor.


	5. Revolving Doors

Disclaimer: I do not own Monk

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It was something he had never thought about before. Now that he had, he made a mental note to tell Natalie to add revolving doors to his ever-growing list of phobias.

Even across the street he could see handprints on the glass of it. Did everyone think the handrails on each section were for decorative purposes only? It seemed like it.

He couldn't tear his eyes away from the steady stream of people going through it. Did these people not know how many germs littered each section of those doors? No one even bothered using hand sanitizer after getting out of it!

He itched to take out a wipe and go clean every section of the revolving door. But he knew it wouldn't stay clean for long even if he did. That, and he was certain he just saw a child sneeze while going through it and they hadn't bothered to cover their nose. It caused him to flinch away, even though he wasn't standing anywhere near it. It was an automatic response, one he considered self-preservation.

It would seem as the people cared not about the thousands of germs that each section of the door was holding, and he decided to against his inclination to tell them exactly how many there were.

With that decision made, he forced himself to walk away. Perhaps some facts were better left alone.


	6. CDO

Disclaimer: I do not own Monk. I don't even own the basic idea behind this drabble. The inspiration came from my sister.

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OCD doesn't even begin to describe some people. Mr. Monk knew that fact very well. He also knew there was a title for those who couldn't fit into the norm of the stereotypic obsessive compulsive disorder symptoms. The people in that category had CDO.

What's the diffence you may ask? Why, simple. CDO is OCD, only the letters are placed in alphabetical order. It keeps the extremes from having excessively large panic attacks from seeing letters out of order.

Mr. Monk was very thankful he managed to stay within the norm of OCD. He was actually rather proud of that accomplishment. He vowed to himself to never get that lost in his compulsive habits. As long as he continued to manage that, he would stay content, or as content as he could be.


End file.
